An epitaph for a childhood dog

By Karrie McAllister


If she didn’t have four legs and a tail, for sure she’d be one of those fabulous old ladies walking around wearing purple and a red hat and spending her pension on brandy and satin gloves.
But seeing as a hat of any color wouldn’t fit over her long ears and chances are satin gloves wouldn’t do well on fat paws, instead she was just Abbey.
She did as she pleased, when she pleased, and how she pleased. She didn’t take nothin’ from nobody, and didn’t let you forget it.
She wasn’t always like that, of course. As a puppy she was loyal and adoring. She let me mangle her basset hound head as I impressed my teenage friends with her impressions; the ultimate being the sing-a-long where I proved that I could indeed tie her ears in a knot and throw them over her shoulder like a Continental soldier.
There was also a time when she’d ride around in the passenger seat of my old VW bug, jowls flapping out the window, spraying drool on anyone who dared follow a little too closely. She looked stunning sitting there, dressed up in the flowered bandana I tied around her neck as I tried to live up to the fact that I had named her after my favorite Beatles Album.
Abigail Rhododendron (Abbey Road…get it?) was a surprise 15th birthday present from my parents. And for nearly 16 years, she graced us all with her presence, until she died peacefully in her sleep last week.
The funny thing is, she’s still gracing my presence.
I know she was just a dog. And in the end, she was a barking, blind, extremely stinky and annoying dog, but she was still my dog, and I’ll miss her.
Some people think you can learn everything you need in kindergarten, but looking back, I can sure appreciate what that I learned from that 42 pound hound doggie:
-Never bite the hand that feeds you, but if you really want a treat, keep barking. The squeaky wheel may get the grease, but the persistent pooch gets a piece of salami and cheese mixed in with her dog food.
-Survival of the smartest really applies. If they tell you to sleep on the floor, right next to a very comfortable couch, do it. But the minute they are asleep, sneak up on that couch. The trick is to be the smarter and cleverer one and wake up before the people do. What they don’t know won’t hurt them, even though they’ll wonder just how that cushion got so full of black dog hair…
-Accept yourself for who and what you are. If you are a dog with four inch legs and the snow is ten inches deep, you have nothing to prove to anyone by attempting to trudge through it on your bathroom break. Do what you can do and accept your limitations, even if it means that once spring comes the back patio needs to be power washed.
-Don’t put off tomorrow what you can do today, especially if it is a sunny day. You really should be out soaking up the warm rays while you can. Lay in the sunshine and take a nap, if you want. In fact, lay there as long as you want to, even if it is all day long and eventually someone has to come over and nudge you a little to make sure you’re still breathing. There’s nothing wrong with a little R & R, as long as one of those R’s is Respiration.
-Age gracefully, but not willingly. Never give up your spunk, run while you can and enjoy life, even if it means gnawing on the same pig ear all day with only two teeth to your name.
And when your time comes, make sure you’ve passed on a few good lessons to the people who loved you.